Blacker, Dekan

    This was a pretty good week overall. Elder Raine is now home so I officially killed another companion. I convinced him to apply to In-N-Out, so I think that means I did a good job killing him off though. Set him up for success.      I like my new companion, his name is Elder Fairbanks. He's from Tacoma Washington and has been serving for 16 months. He's a good companion, he's a hard worker, but he's kinda awkward. He somehow manages to be both quiet and ramble all the time. What he says though is good. He has good insights; he just tends to ramble and put out 3 or 4 ideas before anyone else can speak. He also loves dad jokes and puns and tells at least 50 of them a day, which I love dad jokes. Something to consider given the season, are you Fall-O-Ween Christ?      Since I've been in Clinton longer than my comp, I'm now in charge of leading the area. It's gone way smoother than I would've imagined. We daily plan and I actually have a lot of id...

      I don't know what to make of this last week I've been experiencing a whole flood of emotions. For most of the week it wasn't great, I was still struggling with depression.        On Friday night, me and my companion finished planning for the next day and I said the closing prayer. I opened the prayer and I wanted to say, "I'm grateful for this day," but I ended up pausing, taking long deep breaths, and then hesitated again before finally spitting it out. Then when I finally did spit it out my heart just hurt because it wasn't true.  I wasn't grateful for the day. I then started to say something else I was grateful for and I again paused because I couldn't think of anything. After sitting there for a minute, realizing I was unable to grab a hold of anything that I've been blessed with, the rest of the prayer went as follows, "Heavenly Father, please help. *pause* I know you're there and I know that you care, but I feel abandoned r...

   To be honest, I hardly remember what happened this week at all. I've been doing a lot better with my mental health, I quit beating myself up. The only day where it was really a struggle was Friday, I just woke up depressed. I still can't tell you why, I don't know, but regardless it was still an average week. Which considering the last 2 weeks, is something to celebrate.        Since I forgot what happened this week, I just want to say thank you to all you guys. I know that a lot of you reached out and offered your prayers and I appreciate it very much. I feel so blessed for the support group that I have both on my mission and back home and for everybody who loves and cares about me. Thank you guys so much because just like you guys said, it got better.                   I'll be smiling this week, Elder Blacker

      This is the bonus email that you might not exactly want. I'm about to get into the rather great toll that being a missionary takes on me and how I've been impacted and responded. The reason for me sharing this is to help you see what a sacrifice it truly is to go on a mission.       This last week was really bad for me. My mental health has not been good in any way, shape, or form. I've been coming home every night feeling depressed and being put in this awful mental state. Every night I feel like I'm at my breaking point and every night I somehow come home feeling worse than the night I did before. As you'd expect, eventually I did hit my breaking point. On Sunday night I had a panic attack, losing control of any and all of my bodily functions. I was hyperventilating, shaking uncontrollably, and ended up on the ground crying/screaming out of frustration and anguish, but somehow I got up. I got up and ended up sharing the gospel with the next person t...

       Well, I was in a car crash this week so it was an exciting week, just not in a good way.         So the way the accident happened, me and Elder Raine were getting a ride from a member, Elder Raine was in the passenger seat and I was behind my companion, waiting to turn left. We were at a stop sign,  there was a car across from us looking to go straight and the road between us did not have a stop sign. The car across from us made a bad call and went for it, getting hit by a truck that led the car to crash into us. It was really weird because I saw the car go instantly thinking, uh oh that was a mistake, so I was completely expecting a crash, but I was still blindsided by the fact that we got hit. So you see the car go, you here a crash and then you feel our car get hit, the car jerks, you're rocked and you look up to a completely different scene. All of the airbags are out, the air is super musty, and you're thinking woah, that jus...