Blacker, Dekan

      Sheeeeesh, this week went by quickly. Elder Titus and I have continued to get along phenomenally. Turns out we have almost the exact same sense of humor, so we're always having fun and being goobers.         I can tell though that I'm reaching the point of being fully submerged in this work. You know how people who learn a foreign language say that they know they've got the language down when they dream in that language? Well this week I woke up in the morning 4 times and realized I just had a dream where all I did was missionary work. So I'm now doing missionary work all day and night. It's also becoming harder for me to remember what it was like being home. The thought of working at In-N-Out or going to school or being goobers with my friends instead of sharing the gospel and growing my testimony is becoming increasingly more odd. I'm starting to see how missionary life can, in fact, be as awesome and amazing as everybody says it is. ...

     This week was very different. With Elder Stewart gone and my new companion, Elder Titus, being there, obviously it was done differently. For the first couple of days I didn't even really feel like a missionary because my idea of being a missionary was surrounded around Elder Stewart as that's all I knew. Me and Elder Titus get along really well already though. We're both really goofy and he's also ready to work which is good. He's a little tighter on rules than I would prefer, but it's not been a big deal so far.        The only other thing that bothers me is now that Elder Stewart is gone, I'm realizing how misunderstood he is by other missionaries. Elder Stewart was a fantastic missionary and I'll say that until I die, but nobody else seems to understand that and I find myself defending him more than I thought I would.      This was a good week though, I've adjusted to being with Elder Titus and we've found 3 new people to teach t...

    Hello guys, I've been doing much better this week. My depression cycle passed and I feel like myself again at this point.       My companion Elder Stewart went home. He served his full 24 months. I learned so much from him and I'm really sad to have seen him leave. I already miss him so much. He cared so much about everybody around him. He's such an amazing chef. He taught me so much about how to be a missionary, I didn't deserve him truthfully. He was my older brother. I've never had one and Elder Stewart is by far the closest I've ever had to one and I've always wanted one. I owe so much to him. It's really sad to see him leave, and I'll see him in September when he comes back from Alaska to school, but I'm going to miss him so much. Watching him leave was interesting, I hope when I'm done I'm leaving like he did. He's happy with his mission and his efforts, the mission president is happy with him, his family is happy with him, ...

     Yup, this week kinda sucked. I'm at the beginning of what I've termed my depression cycle. Basically, the way I feel depression is I'll be really depressed for 1-2 weeks and then I'll be perfectly fine for a few months. It's been like that for a long as I can remember. My thoughts just turn really dark when I'm in this state and I hate it.      Imagine your thoughts just putting you in this dark place, all the time. You're unable to pull yourself out of this darkness, how do you avoid your own thoughts? It's just about impossible. You try to do something that you enjoy and you feel nothing, no happiness, no hope. The absence of the good feelings that you expected only deepens the emptiness you feel. Now that you've learned you can't be happy and being around happy things only makes you feel a bigger and bigger void, you avoid things. You want to be alone, you hear someone talking or laughing and you turn away because you're afraid of wha...