I Killed Another One

    This was a pretty good week overall. Elder Raine is now home so I officially killed another companion. I convinced him to apply to In-N-Out, so I think that means I did a good job killing him off though. Set him up for success. 

    I like my new companion, his name is Elder Fairbanks. He's from Tacoma Washington and has been serving for 16 months. He's a good companion, he's a hard worker, but he's kinda awkward. He somehow manages to be both quiet and ramble all the time. What he says though is good. He has good insights; he just tends to ramble and put out 3 or 4 ideas before anyone else can speak. He also loves dad jokes and puns and tells at least 50 of them a day, which I love dad jokes. Something to consider given the season, are you Fall-O-Ween Christ?

     Since I've been in Clinton longer than my comp, I'm now in charge of leading the area. It's gone way smoother than I would've imagined. We daily plan and I actually have a lot of ideas for what we can do the next day and they're working. We're getting the work to progress in this area. It's helped me realize that I actually can be a pretty great missionary when I choose to be, which is only most of the time not all the time, but I'm getting it. I can be an effective missionary without somebody else dragging me along. 

      Other than that I had a really neat experience with gospel scholarship. They asked us a question that really got my mind down a rabbit hole of self realization. They asked us, "When you think about Jesus Christ, how do you feel about yourself?" When I thought about this I realized that thinking about Jesus Christ caused me to feel sorry and bad about myself and my sins and the agony that that would've caused Christ. I talked with my counselor about this and we had a really great conversation about it. While having this conversation with him I realized that I was also under the impression that if I'd never existed Christ would've suffered less. Essentially my existence and my natural tendency to sin caused Christ to suffer more because there were now more sins to pay the price for. After having this realization, I received an awesome bit of personal revelation. I heard the spirit whisper to me, "you bring me more joy than pain." I don't think I've fully let that sink in yet, but I know that it came from God and consequently I know that to be true. Even though I don't understand how, I have brought Christ more joy with my existence than I have pain. I don't know why I can't see my own worth and because I can't see that it causes me to not understand the willingness behind the atonement, but I know that my Heavenly Father and his son Jesus Christ love me. I know that they're there for me and are always willing to walk with us through our trials if we'll let them. 

          Ducks, Elder Blacker