Why We Love Dekan

Maddox
So first off I'd like to apologize for sending this so late, you definitely deserve better and I'm really sorry. Anyway, it sucks that you're going through this, where you feel like nobody loves you. I've felt like this a tiny bit too in the past, and it's definitely not a good feeling, so I can emphasize with you a little bit. 



I want to point out straight away that this is 100% false. There are so many people on this earth and in the spirit world that love you so much and care immensely about you and your well-being (myself included). And if at any time you start to doubt that, I want you to get rid of that thought, because there's no way we don't love you. You're a great person, you're kind, funny, caring, and I really want you to know that we truly do love you. 


"A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." Proverbs 17:17


Love you always,
Maddox



Grandma Blacker
Elder Blacker,  why I love you,   Because you are a child of God and God does not create any one that is not of great worth.  You have many talents and God wants you to share those talents.  I love you because you were born into the Blacker Family and all members of this family has great worth and is LOVED,   Grandpa Leon Wendell Blacker who you did not get to know,  has great love for all of his family,  which includes YOU.   I know that all of your Dads family has love for you and wish the very best for you.    


     Dekan, I want you to do something for me.     There is one person who does not love you his name is SATAN,     You are more powerful than his is and this is how you get rid of him and all his followers.       You  say the following.    By the power of Jesus Christ  I command  satan and all who follow him,  to get out of my life and leave me alone,  you are not aloud to be near me, be in my apartment,  in the car I am in, or any where around me.   and I do this by and through the Power of Jesus Christ.         I think if you do this you will not doubt your worth, and you will be able to Love yourself and  feel  the love  all of you family has for you.        
                                                                          Dekan,  I love you       Grandma  Blacker



Tayson Whetten
Elder Blacker,


The impact that you had on my life and on my mission those 6 weeks was incredible! I learned so much from you and you were an amzing trainer! Sure there were days that were interesting and challenging but I really did enjoy working with you and you made much more of an impact on my life than you realize. I struggled finding the reason why I was reassigned to Utah the entire time I there but I had an experience a couple days ago that helped me realize that reason. And that reason is you! I was on emergency splits with another Elder in our district because him and his comp had hotten in a really bad argument and our president was in New Zealand so we couldnt contact him so the AP's had us got on emergency splits with them for a couple days until he got back to Tahiti. Anyways, my point is that that first night we were on splits, he helped me realize why I was reassigned to Utah! He also comes from a background of severe depression from before his mission. He went very inactive for most of his life growing up and was very close to commiting suicide several times but had a really powerful experience with prayer that saved his life and helped him come back to church and ultimately serve a mission. But that first night we were talking about my time in Utah and I talked with him about you and what happened that last weekend while I was in Utah when we had to go to the mission home for most of the day. I promise I dont share what happened with everyone but I felt prompted to talk about that with him. I told him about that morning on the way to Sarahs house when I had started listing off all my frustrations and all the things you needed to work on and how I still felt bad about that. But what he told me gave a whole new purpose to my purpose as a missionary. He said that coming from a very similar situation, me saying all those things saved your life and after he said that the spirit confirmed to me that that was true. He said that by me sharing those concerns and frustrations with you showed that I cared about you and I do! The thought came into my head after that and I know it was from the spirit, it said "thank you for loving him enough to cut him down." Elder Blacker I love ya man! I know that came to Utah to help keep you on this earth for reasons I dont know and you might not know yet either. I went back and forth on whether to share this experience but I felt prompted to add it in and I hope it helps.


To respond to your other email from this morning, here are some reasons why I love you!


- You are a Christlike example to me
- You can connect with others at a very personal level
- You help others feel loved and cared about
- You are not afraid to act on the promptings that you recieve
- You're not afriad to be bold and give constructive criticism 
- You know how to have fun 
- You have the desire to be the best missionary you can be
- You are a light to those around you 
- You're a hard worker
- You make a bomb chicken parmesean!
- You're not afriad to try new things
- You are my brother!


Elder Blacker, you are loved more than you know by me and so many others as well as your Heavenly Father! He is always there for you and willing to help. You can do this and with the help of your Heavenly Father, you WILL do this. It pains me to see you continue to struggle with this but I'm proud of you for continuing to push on! I pray for you everyday and I will continue to pray for you everyday! 


Find your purpose to stay! And look for happiness and joy in the little things.


I love you brotha!


- Elder Whetten


Dude, thank you so much. I literally teared up reading this. I want you to know that while reading this the spirit confirmed to me the same thing that it did to you. Something swelled up inside of me and it started the instant I read what the other Elder said to you. Dude, I teared up because of the love you have for me. I thought about it a little bit and I realized that I actually didn’t have the love for my trainer to cut him down. I think about what you did and put myself back in the shoes of when I was training and I commend you for your courage and your love for me. It's changed my perspective of what happened that day. I truly never blamed you, but I did think it was unfortunate timing. Now, thanks to you, I can see that it was actually very fortunate timing. Remember how we went to the temple with Cindy the last week before you left? She told something later that goes right along with what happened and further shows the importance of what you did. At the temple, Cindy said she recieved a very strong prompting that, "If he [me] continues down this path, he will destroy himself." And wouldn't you know it just a few days later, there I was destroying myself literally trying to end my own life. Once again, thank you so much. I love you and am so grateful for the blessing you've been on my life. Thank you so much for this email, have fun with your raw fish


That makes me so happy to hear that you had that same spiritual experience! Everything that happened that day happened for a reason and I know that God was in every detail. You're the best man! Keep working hard!!


Love ya brother!


Elder Whetten


Also P.S. I tried fafaru (the fermented fish I told you about) and it's the worst thing I've every had... Imagine a chunk of fish marinated for a month in a jar full of bottled farts. I kid you not when I opened the jar it smalled like a terrible fart and the taste was the same as the smell. Anyways, hopefully you don't read while you eating and if you do I'm sorry.



Sister Wyeth
I’ve pondered this most of the day and my #1 answer is: I love Dekan because he’s Dekan! 
while there are things I love about you, those aren’t the reasons I love you. I just love you because I do!!! 
I get a warm and happy feeling in my heart and mind when I think of you and usually a smile on my face as well! 
Memories pop up that are things that I love about you, like your consistency. You show up. You had 100% attendance in seminary. I don’t know how many people would still be in the mission field going through the things that you have gone through- but because you are you, and you show up- here you are serving a valiant mission that Heavenly Father picked out just for you. He knew you’d show up. 
I always remember you sayin that one of your attributes is meekness. I have loved that about you. I love the transparency that you share through your emails- not trying to show off or make it different than it is. That realness is a gift. People need to hear and see what “normal” looks like. Normal means struggles and difficulties and good times and bright spots. 
I love that you’re brilliant! You are a phenomenal writer and deep thinker. Your talks have been some of my favorites I’ve ever heard or read (and not just because one of them is a good confidence booster for me!) I read D&C 122 in the temple today and the line that stood out to me was “ know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” you are able to share your experiences in such a way that they bless so many. I’ve shared parts of one of your emails in seminary and it was impactful for the students. I don’t have specifics because no one told me- but the air was quiet and eyes were fixed. The spirit was teaching through your words and experiences. Oh and I loved online seminary because I got to read your comments! They were always so great. 
You’re a real fungi!  I love your duck jokes, I love how you love in and out and your friendships and experiences there, I love your duck shirt! You’re a jolly good fella to have around!!! You add joy and humor to everyday situations. And your wise. Even though your friends might choose to ride on top of zooming cars- you use your big brain and don’t follow suit. 


*one week later*
Remember that one time I wrote you an email but forgot to send it? 
So glad you’ve seen and felt some light and that you are doing great things- you’re better than you know! 
Going to just hit send so I don’t forget another week.
Love you LOTS! 
Sista’ W



Hellen Redmond
You are a great friend to Mitchell & Maddox
You are honest
You love the Savior
You are loyal & true
You speak your mind
You have a good heart
You are supportive
You are a good listener
You are funny
You are brave
You are carefree
Honestly I just think you are great all around and I’m so grateful our family’s paths crossed! Whether you know it or not, you have been such a blessing to both Mitchell and Maddox. Both of them think of you as one of their dear friends. Everyone needs a Dekan in their lives! I’m happy to hear that you are doing better. Always remember that you are never alone. You have a whole army cheering for you. Love ya Elder Blacker!



Sister Owens
Hey Elder Blacker,


I've been reading your emails and praying that you've been being buoyed up. I know what darkness feels like and I know what light from our Savior feels like. 


I'm so grateful that we were able to service together in the MTC. I loved being able to spend that time with you and the rest of our district. I learned so much about what putting in your best effort looks like and you inspired me to continue to give it my all every day. 


I can't imagine the mental battle you're having constantly but I know our Father and our Savior feel your pain perfectly. They understand in a way no one else could. I know you have been born to live during this time in the world when there would be darkness surrounding us, but you have a light to share that only you can. 


You have a spiritual gift for making others feel loved and brining the spirit into any situation. You have a genuine heart that makes others feel comfortable and I pray you truly feel the same. You are an amazing elder. 


I hope we all get together as a district together again. I pray for all of you and my heart hurts at the thought of the pain you're going through. 


The Savior is there always & He is so proud of you. 


Keep looking for His hand & give thanks. 


I love you Elder Blacker and so does our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 



Jaycee Breedlove
Hi Dekan, 


It's Jaycee (in case you couldn't tell by the email). Saw your email from Sunday and wanted to share a few things I've learned in my short life (so far).


GRATITUDE. Practicing gratitude and gratefulness I have found to be one of the most effective tools for a happy and fulfilled life. 


I like to start each day by saying something I'm grateful for. Anytime throughout the day I feel a strong emotion (happiness, sadness, regret, excitement, anxiousness or whatever it may be) I pause, feel that emotion, and say one thing I'm grateful for. It has shifted my mindset and outlook on life. I encourage you to try it, it takes no time at all and can be done at any moment. It takes consistency but the effects are worth it. 


Another thing I have learned is that no matter where you are or who you're with you always have access to the love you desire. The love from yourself, from your mom, or from whoever, you always have access to at anytime. Love lives in your heart and you have the capability to access this love at any point. Even if you were the last person on earth with no on else around you, you could still feel love from all your family members and from yourself. You always have love to give and to feel. 


Along with saying one thing I'm grateful for each morning I also say one thing I love about myself. It may take some time to feel the love you are giving yourself but with consistency and practice you will begin to feel it more and more. The more you practice the easier it is to access it at any point and time in your life.


I know this is a long email but I hope you will try these two simple practices, gratitude and saying one thing you love about yourself each day. I can not make you do these things, it has to be up to you, but I can guarantee you will never feel worse by being more grateful and giving yourself more love. 


A daily reminder for me that I tell myself is: What a beautiful life this is filled with so much joy, beauty and love, how lucky are we to live it? I've come to recognize this more and more through these practices. 


I hope this helps. Through these trying times you are coming closer to the person you want to be and the best version of yourself. Keep going. Also, per your request, I admire your individuality and your confidence! 


Love is life's strongest tool, don't forget to use it. 


Best of wishes! 


Jaycee 



Lydia Shumard
DEKANNNNN!!!!! I hope your week was a little better. I am so sad to read that you have been struggling so much lately. You are so awesome and even if you can't see it, you are making an impact on the lives of those around you! You have impacted me just from reading your emails each week!! I want to share this song with you that I love. Not sure if you are allowed to listen to music that isn't from the church... so if not here are the lyrics and you can read them 


I can't say I understand what you're going through, but I know that YOUR Heavenly Father and YOUR Savior are with you through the thick and thin, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Immerse yourself in the Book of Mormon. This book is where I found comfort and peace during a hard time and I know it can bring the same peace and comfort to you. 


Sending a hug your way!
Hermana Shumard 


Phil Wickham- Battle Belongs (all songs by him are gold) 




When all I see is the battle, You see my victoryWhen all I see is the mountain, You see a mountain movedAnd as I walk through the shadow, Your love surrounds meThere's nothing to fear now for I am safe with You
So when I fight, I'll fight on my kneesWith my hands lifted highOh God, the battle belongs to YouAnd every fear I lay at Your feetI'll sing through the nightOh God, the battle belongs to You
And if You are for me, who can be against me? YeahFor Jesus, there's nothing impossible for YouWhen all I see are the ashes, You see the beautyThank You GodWhen all I see is a cross, God, You see the empty tomb
So when I fight, I'll fight on my kneesWith my hands lifted highOh God, the battle belongs to YouAnd every fear I lay at Your feetI'll sing through the nightOh God, the battle belongs to You
Almighty fortress, You go before usNothing can stand against the power of our GodYou shine in the shadow, You win every battleNothing can stand against the power of our God
An almighty fortress, You go before usNothing can stand against the power of our GodYou shine in the shadow, You win every battleNothing can stand against the power of our God
An almighty fortress, You go before usNothing can stand against the power of our GodYou shine in the shadows, You win every battleNothing can stand against the power of our God
So when I fight, I'll fight on my kneesWith my hands lifted highOh God, the battle belongs to YouAnd every fear I lay at Your feetI'll sing through the nightOh God, the battle belongs to You
Oh God, the battle belongs to You



Westley King
Elder Blacker,


You're a great dude. I love yah cause you're a lot of fun to hang around, you always got something good to say, and you're just a great example.
I was kind of a loose cannon in high-school, and while I didn't keep my friend circles very connected to the gospel, every Wednesday night being able to hang around you was a big help in keeping me on the straight and narrow. Even though I didn't always let you influence me a whole extra lots, you were still a very good influence on me.
You're also just such a funny guy. You got a very wise sense of humor and I love it.
You're a hard worker too, and despite life putting you through hell time and time again, you keep trucking on and that's admirable.


Keep up the good work big dawg.


Elder King



Kelton Blacker
Hello Dekan,


Whenever you need reassurance of the love and amazement I have for you I can always give it to you, because it is very easy for me to do for someone special like you. Whenever you were around and we hung out, I always had the best times and always found myself laughing with you. You never failed to make me smile and I can’t wait to see you when you return from your mission. I hope you get better and see how much me and the rest of your family love and appreciate you. I’m always glad to be able to call you and your family my cousins!


Hang in there,
Kelton Blacker 



Cindy Belnap
Elder Blacker, i love you and thank you for coming to serve on your mission.


I love your clarity for the disease of depression which you have, I love that you love Father in Heaven and His son Jesús Christ who we yoke with to make it to the eternal presence of Father and Jesus Christ.


I love that you know and understand the blessings which Father in Heaven have given you and me and all mankind. He loves us He wants us to be well and follow His teachings and guidance.


I love you and your experiences great and small and your understanding, that they come with a price such as serving on your mission, such as not taking precious medications to keep you safe and well to serve your mission , such as becoming well again so you can progress.


I love your energy for what you want to do such as in and out, such as testifying of Christ and eternal Father in Heaven, such as going to the temple.


I love you and love you having time to gain more faith and understanding in the ways that make and keep you well and strong, ways which are laws and truths, specifically following the words of those who love you and who have suffered with you, and now look for you to “stand forever” strong.


Say hi to whomever I may know along your road in your new assignment. Let us stay in contact to say, “all things through and in Christ, Yeeppee Ki Yay, Book of Mormon is true , and “GoFightWin”,


I love that you know the rules of keeping disease in remission, follow the treatment plan faithfully, and “stand forever” Elder!
I love you.
I will send YouTube “Stand Forever”.


Sister Cindy Belnap.



Tamara Lisonbee
Claire Braun loves you because you were willing to share your cookies every night after work.


One time we were at your house and I was just talking to you and you made me feel like what I was talking about was really interesting and important even though nothing I was talking about was all that important.  You have your priorities straight and you’re not a typical teenager who is too cool for everyone and everything. Scarlett Braun


You are a genuinely nice person.  I like how friendly you are even to us kids that aren’t your age or aren’t people you hang out with a lot.  Natalie Braun


I like how whenever we are there you are so nice to us.  You made me feel noticed and like somebody that is important.  Grace Braun


I’ve noticed how you’re a really great big brother.  You made it to colton’s baptism even though you were gone.  You make them feel how much you love them and make time for them.  And you share your testimony with them.  I think that’s really cool.  Elizabeth Braun 


I have been impressed with you since you were a little one.  There is something about you that is just makes people around you feel like they are capable of great things.  You seem to have an internal moral compass that guides your choices and you are true to that compass.  You shared a message in church so many years ago (you were in primary at the time and we still lived in the same ward as your family) that I still remember to this day because the spirit taught me something through your message.  I was inspired by it then and I still think about it today.  Tamara Braun



Chandler Blacker
Hey Dekan!  I meant to send this to you a few days ago, but I've been really thinking about why I love you so much and what I truly think about you.  You are my greatest friend in my life.  


I've actually been really struggling to pick what I wanted to say to you about why I love you, not because I can't find things to love about you, but because I love everything about you.  I just keep thinking of all the amazing times we have had.  We did everything together.  Whether it was smash bros or going to seminary, doing school or going to work, we were always together and having a blast doing it.  


I can't pinpoint one quality that makes you that awesome to be around.  You've always separated yourself from everyone else by simply being awesome.  We called it the priests and Dekan, because you are just so great to everyone that people just couldn't include you in the negative cognition of being a priest.  Almost everyone I know still talks about you as "The Great Dekan", and I agree with them.  Even Alora, who doesn't really know you, was talking about what a great person you are.  Then she realized that she barely even knows you, it was just all things she has heard about you.  


I struggle to see how you could feel like a burden to anyone when I am constantly seeing what a great influence you are on people.  Bradley and Ben are now both planning on serving missions when they weren't before, and it all started with you.  I don't even know where I'd be without you.  I probably wouldn't have many of the same friends (There was a while where I was only invited to things when you needed more people, and at the time I was okay with that.), I probably wouldn't be as strong in the gospel, and I wouldn't be working at in n out.  


I think it's incredible what a great example you are.  I have loved walking right behind you in life.  I follow in your footsteps and sometimes get to correct my path through places that you had to stumble along.  If you were Joseph Smith, then I would be Hyrum Smith. I would follow you every step of the way, with full faith that you are in the right.  I would follow you right up to the end, knowing that any cause that is worth dying for to you, is also worth it to me.  Maybe you don't believe me, but I know I would.  You are the greatest brother, and the best friend that I could ever ask for.  I want you to know that.  I love you.  I miss you.  You are incredible and irreplaceable.  


With great love,


Chandler



Cody Wilhelmsen
Hey Elder Blacker,
I love reading your emails, and how you don’t sugar coat anything!


I read your last email and wanted to send you a bit of  encouragement from some things I have learned and also give you an invitation


First off to respond to what you requested in your email. Honestly Dekan, you’re as good of a guy as it comes. It may be hard to see that right now but I promise you have a lot of qualities that I really admire and look up to. First off, don’t get me started on how smart you are. I think I could name off any player that’s played in the NBA and you could tell me anything about them haha. Second of all, you’ve always been kind… you tell the truth but you do it in a way that is gentle and helps people open up. I love that you are humble enough to ask for help, because when I struggled as a missionary I never did. That takes a lot to do, and I’m impressed by that.


The second thing I wanted to do was to give you some advice. If you are battling  depression right now, understand that just because of the way you feel doesn’t mean something is fundamentally wrong with you. There isn’t because you are just as loved by your Father in Heaven and Christ as everyone else is. You have the same potential, it’s just that…OFTEN THE LORD GIVES HIS TOUGHEST BATTLES TO HIS STRONGEST SOLDIERS. As well, often times people may tell you that you just need to increase your faith, or trust in God more and it’ll go away. That simply is not true. Often times Mental Health is like standing outside on a cloudy day. We are here on the earth and the sun and it’s warmth representing feeling the Holy Ghost. On a cloudy day, the sun is still there but you just cannot feel it at the time because of the cloud(really anything mentally that makes us feel numb).


My advice to you would be to study the Atonement of Jesus Christ and his Grace every single day. I can’t promise that your struggles will go away but I can promise that there is nothing that will help you more than coming to understand and apply it in your life. I have attached a 30 day study packet that has some instructions on the top. I’ve seen it transform lives and missions. The amazing thing about it is that everything in the Gospel is simply an appendage of the Atoning Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. No matter what happens, BECAUSE OF HIM IT WILL WORK OUT OF YOU.


As we both know from serving missions, it doesn’t much matter what you say but the invitation that you leave. I would invite you to study this everyday. I love ya man, hope something in here helps. Also feel free to email me as much as you would like, cause I love talking to you!


Cody Wilhelmsen



Kiana Blacker
Hey Dekan!


If there’s anything that comes to mind when someone mentions your name it’s your kindness, loving spirit, and willingness to help those around you, especially your family. I can’t wait for you to return from your mission so that we can continue to make more memories together on top of all the ones we already have from family reunions and when you and your family come into town! 


Kiana :)



Jana Blacker
Dekan 


After reading your last letter I took a few days to respond, not because it took time to think of the reasons I love you (that part was easy :)) but more for the fact that I was feeling saddened by the fact that maybe us as humans in general don't express our love and appreciation to those we care about most! For this I'm sorry, I guess we just take it for granted that family friends etc already know this.  Nonetheless you are an AMAZING  young man with so much to offer the world.  You are kind, gentle, and loyal.  I've seen this when you guys all come over and hang out. You have a quirky but funny sense of humor that we love!  Our kids love it when you hang out Kelton still talks about the rides on the jet ski you took with him! You are extremely bright- I knew this by your early completion of high school courses but now I can see this firsthand in your writing abilities through your emails. I told your mom just the other day how talented you are with words and writing. Honesty I could go on and on, but truly I think the best way to love yourself is to focus your energy and effort outward.  We are all our own worst critics and you have to allow yourself some grace.  Grace to not be perfect, because when you really think about it what makes us special, what makes us individuals is our imperfection.  After all you don't have to be perfect to offer kindness, to be loyal or to be a good listener etc etc.  Once you can focus your energy outward you start to realize how much you matter to others and the difference you made or can make in their lives- that is when you truly start to feel their love and in turn start to feel needed and proud of who you are.  It is a hard thing to do I know but start little or maybe you already have if so allow yourself to recognize the difference you made in someone's life as little or minut as it may seem(maybe as simple as just saying "good morning" to a stranger)and after that it starts to be a domino effect and you will find your energy switches focus on how you can better someone else's day instead of how bad yours is. Someone once told me just look further out, there is always someone worse off or in a harder situation than you.  Believe it or not it is in adversity that we grow the most!  
I hope and pray that you continue to get stronger each day.  I will leave you with this... please know that I love you because you are YOU and there is no other reason necessary- just you and all your perfections and imperfections!


All my love
Aunt Jana 



Dad
Hi Dekan!  First of all I know that you appreciate real and authentic things and you are great at sharing real and authentic.... Perhaps that's why people love reading your emails and listening to your talks so much. Because of this I don't want to just rattle off a list of things I love about you casually but want to really think about it more deeply so you get what I think you will truly appreciate.  So here goes.


As I have pondered the question I have thought of times where you have done kind and wonderful things, exhibited strong character traits, overcome challenges, shown love and friendship, shown leadership, made me proud ... and on and on .. But none of these things is "why I love you".  To say that these positives is why I love you would be to tell you that my love is conditional and I know that it isn't.  That said,  loving someone and liking someone are different.  As a parent the former is so deep it is unconditional, the latter is basically like most other relationships where it's easy to like kind, thoughtful, considerate, and caring people and easy to dislike those who don't show us these things and are unkind, unthoughtful, etc.  


Anyway, I think I've told you before that when Mom and I were first married we wondered if we could handle being told by doctors that we would never be able to have kids.  We each thought we would be fine if that hypothetical ever happened.  However that obviously was never the case and eventually mom was pregnant with you.  It was interesting to me how mom immediately started to have a love for you as her unborn baby.  Me on the other hand felt almost no connection or feeling of love through the whole pregnancy.  I don't know if that is typical or not.  I don't know if I should be embarrassed to admit that or not.  However my whole life and my whole world changed forever the day you were born.  At the sound of that first delayed cry of your's I remember the sacred feeling of love that came into my life and I believe into the whole room.  It was as if heaven itself entered the room with you.  The love that entered into my life is unlike anything I had ever experienced before and was something I never could have imagined.  I believe that this is God's gift to me to feel about you the way he must.  Although this event was basically repeated with the births of your brothers it was extra special with you because it was so unexpected to me.  


While the stuff said above is true about why I love you I'm not sure how it might help you to be more kind, patient, and loving to yourself.  I'm not sure I love myself unconditionally in the same way I love you.  For what it's worth I probably tend to like myself or dislike myself on a more conditional basis.  Not that your situation has to be anything at all like my relationship to myself.  Just sharing in case knowing how it is for another person might provide a reference point.  


I do want to share a few things that have really stood out to me over the years that I like about you.  First, I was absolutely blown away when quiet Dekan volunteered and sang a solo at school.  My respect for you went way up that day and I was so proud of you.  I also like how you cleaned up the whole house as such a young age.  It says so much about your natural character and consideration for others.  I liked and will always remember you falling back to walk with me at Disney world when the rest of the family just went on without me.  I really liked how interested you became with ESPN and sports at such a young age.  It was fun to hear your view and take on all things sports.  I liked how you formed your view and were hard to persuade.  In a world of ideas coming at all of us all the time I have admired your ability to remain confident and comfortable with your own viewpoints.  I like how great of a job you did being a big brother.  Your brothers look up to you and so do your friends.  You are powerfully influential to others... Unfortunately Satan probably doesn't like this quality of yours and strives to disrupt you.  I admire your willingness to share and be authentic.  I was so proud of you at your mission farewell.  The talk and spiritual insights you shared will always be with me.  


That's just a few of the things I like about you.  I hope you enjoy thinking about why I love you and like you!  You are awesome to me and I hope you become more kind, loving, and patient with yourself.  You are headed the right direction and that's what really matters most.  Love you


Dad



Jacob Wilhelmsen
Oh Dekan, you are are such a blessing to the lifes around you. I have felt it the many times we have been together. I had a super hard time in my life, I never told my family and it lasted for years. I bet you've heard tons of people try to relate and I bet that doesn't help. Because it never did me... the reason I tell you this though is because the joy I felt afterwards was twice the amount as my pain! It's very similar to alma. Best of luck to you. I will be praying, and fasting for you.


- Love elder wilhelmsen 
You got this amigo!



Eliza Stowell
Elder Blacker,


I have talked to you in a while but I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I know exactly how it feels to feel completely worthless but let me tell you, You are Loved! When we worked together at crumble together you were so so kind to me, especially when I was going through a breakup. The way you treat people doesn't go unnoticed. I often find myself having a hard time feeling any of God's love. It can be hard for me to physically picture him. When I was having a really rough time over the summer my mom told me when she had a hard time praying or picturing him she would think of her bishop who was the kindest, most christlike man she had met. When I can't feel his love or I feel forgotten, I think of our tour guide for our church history tour over the summer. He was sdo kindly patient with our family and had this light about him. I picture him giving me the biggest hug which is exactly what god wants to do. I know it's kind of stupid but it can be easier. to feel God's presence when we can picture him better. I have this picture of Jesus in a field above my bed that is my absolute favorite. I love it because it is so joyous and it reminds me that he wants me to feel joy too, same for you too! Something that I have been having to really learn this semester is that no matter what I do God loves me! I sometimes feel like he gets mad at me when I am not good enough but that is absolutely not the case. Anyways I know this email was kind of all over the place but I want you to know that even though you don't believe it, you are enough and you are loved. Heavenly Father is regonzing your efforts. 


-Eliza Stowell



Whitney Adams
I love you because. You've been really caring and sweet to me even when I made you feel uncomfortable. You've helped me so much this past year and you're such a good friend. I know that everyone you talk to loves you and misses you so much. I am so proud of you and for going on a mission. In fact you've inspired me to turn my mission papers in. You've also helped me realize missions are scary and that they're not always sunshine and rainbows. You've helped me in ways that I don't even know where to begin on thanking you. I know that you're struggling and I hope you can stick through it but I also know everyone misses you and would be thrilled to see you again. I love you very much and if there's anything I can do to help you the way you've helped me please let me know. If you'd like we video chat or even just chat. I know you can do this because you're very brave and strong. Satan knows you and knows both your strengths and weaknesses and he's using them all against you. But just so you know you've got so much more power over him then you actually know. In the endowment session (I probably can't speak of this but oh well....you need to hear it) when you look at the video and Peter comes in and goes "in the power of heavenly Father I banish you" or something like that. It's easy to turn Satan away and he knows that so he'll do anything and I mean ANYTHING to make you think you don't got power over him. But just know your heavenly Father loves you more than anyone on this earth and he knows you as well and I know he won't put you through anything that he knows you can not do. He is always helping you even when you don't think he is. I know that words probably don't mean too much right now....at least for me when I get like you are right now words kinda just run past me but just stop go back to your core "know it". Simple primary answers just the basics. Take a step back until you see the whole picture of at least to where it's not too blurry and you quit thinking "what the heck did I get myself into". Sometimes just taking a breather real quick helps. I love you, Heavenly Father loves you, your parents love you, your friends love you (everytime I hangout with them you get mentioned), Jesus Christ loves you. You are loved by those you've been teaching, your companions, the friends you meet on the street, the members of your wards, your mission president they're all here for you and they all want you to be happy. You don't have to stay on your mission you can come home and I know everyone will be welcoming you with our stretched arms. But I also know you're growing stronger and stronger the more days you stay....sometimes you just gotta say I'll stay a few more days....oh this wasn't too bad I'll stay a week now....you've just got to take one step at a time slow down a little take a breath and tell yourself every morning if you have to "I've got this, just put one leg out of the covers" I love you Dekan and I know I just want you to be happy.  


-Whitney



Mom
I do love you because you are mine, the same way God loves us because we are His, but it's much more than that. Because I've been around you since the beginning of your life, I've seen a lot. Loving someone is not just liking them when they're being the kind of person you want to be around. It means sticking with someone through all the tough times, the silly and wrong things they do, and the things that make you mad. Despite all of it, you still see their value and fight for them.  I love you no matter what. 


I have always loved how you see value in everyone. You never dismiss anyone and if you think someone is marginalized or having a tough time, you go to their rescue. This allows you to get along with almost anyone, which is very rare.  I don't think it's because you are so easy going, I think it's because you know everyone is important.  


I love that you are willing to be honest about your emotions, even though it's hard, and it provides a window into depression that most won't or can't share, which is very helpful, because if nobody voices it, how can anyone help? You are so needed for that right now, because of how many are struggling in this way and the gift you have in explaining and writing it.


You've always been a one on one kind of person rather than the center of a big crowd, even though you don't shy away from a big crowd. This allows you to help others feel important, because the one on one is more personal. You're extremely likeable and have always been compassionate, even from the time you were so small. You find commonality easily with everyone and usually give others the benefit of the doubt.


I love that you always played so hard. Any game, anytime, you gave it your all, and you left it all on the field and didn't take any of it too harshly if you lost, but saw the value in the fun you had playing. I love the way you handled reffing even though it wasn't always fun. You got yelled at and it sucked, but you gathered yourself and moved on more determined to stand your ground.


I love the example you are for your brothers, not because you've been perfect, but because you've been kind and loving towards them. They all think the world of you just for being you. You have a gift of making others feel good when they're around you. I know you didn't want to be the oldest and blaze the trail for everyone, but you're still fantastic at it, again not because you're perfect, just because you're you. Anytime I would watch some competition and the person would say, "I'm doing this to make my family proud." I always thought that was so dumb because you don't have to do anything to make your family proud. Your family is proud and loves you for being you, that's it. No expectations. No fancy anything. It's hard to explain but it's true. Your family just loves you for you.


You're so good and kind, but it doesn't really matter what I think or what anyone else thinks. You get your value and worth from God. He holds you in the highest esteem and I've seen how he has intervened so perfectly in your life to show you that. I do love you, but most of all I pray that you feel God's love for you. He does not expect or demand perfection. He only asks that we choose Him over all things.


Love you,
Mom



Richard Clark
Dekan (Elder Blacker if you prefer, but that's weird), your emails home continue to puzzle me but I salute your honesty and openness about the issue.  I think that's very healthy, and merely recognizing the issue is a huge step toward dealing with it.


I'm going to start with the inverse of your question.  I really (and I mean really) cannot fathom how you cannot love yourself or how you feel others do not/could not love you.  It is as mysterious a concept to me as quantum physics.  When I've known you, you have always seemed so upbeat and happy, but also willing to help anyone out.  You even love that goofy job at In n Out, which sounds utterly miserable to me.


As to why I love you and think you are terrific, see above.  You have a wonderful sense of humor.  I tend to value that above most things in people.  You're really a funny guy when you're not mopey.  You have always been willing to help others.  Do you understand how rare that is?  People suck.  They are selfish and awful for the most part.  But I've literally never seen that side of you.  You go out of your way to help others, and you are cheerful about it.  You are kind.  You are smart.  You are a good friend (I hear stuff from Hunter.  He talks to me from time to time).  These are all fabulous qualities that are all too rare in people today.


This mission seems to be the root cause of all your troubles or feelings.  Maybe you think that THEY expect too much from you.  Maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself.  Maybe your companions are idiots.  I really don't know.  But I never would have expected this level of depression from you until you went out on your mission.  As a convert, let me clue you in on a little secret:  YOU are not really that critical to the whole process.  An investigator/friend/convert is unlikely to make a life choice of this magnitude based on anything you do or say.  You are merely a conduit for the Spirit, and the investigator's/friend's/convert's decisions and actions are up to them.  It's that pesky concept of agency.  They get to choose.  So whether you are baptizing 10,000 or zero, that's not on you.  That's not on you even if you feel like you're not "doing enough."  The idea is just to serve.  You've served.  That's good enough and all that is suspected of you.  Do what you can do, and let the opinions of others fall away.  They don't matter.  If some dumb Zone Leader gets on your case, what's he going to do?  Fire you?  Heavens no!  You can go home to your family and bed and wear normal clothes and eat what you want and hang out with whomever you want whenever you want and work whatever In n Out job you want.  Nobody's opinions really matter but yours, and YOUR opinion should be that you kick ass (I can say whatever I want.  I'm not subject to mission rules.  I really don't give people any authority over me in that regard)!  In all seriousness, you are a good dude.  To put it into context, if you were dating Lizzie or Anna (not suggesting anything, just making a point), I would be totally comfortable with the situation and would not be plotting retribution in the event that you made one of them cry.  I am certain that it would never come to that.  Again, you are a good, trustworthy guy.  Maybe if you have a daughter you will understand the magnitude of my trust in that regard.


The gist here is that if the mission is making you miserable, then come home and don't think twice about it.  Hell, I'll come get you.  The mission is supposed to be a chance to grow and serve, but if it's making you miserable and making you feel worthless, then it's not worth it.  I would rather have you home in Murphy and happy than miserable in Utah (I was just in Utah.  I can understand how one would be miserable there.  Bleh).  Give it some thought.  Do what YOU feel you need to do, not what any other nitwit thinks you need to do.  Well, maybe listen to the counsel of your parents, but other than that you can ignore everyone else.  I don't think the mission president has any better advice than you do in this regard, and certainly your parents know more than he does.  He's just a dude trying to do a job like you.  For all I know, he's not very good at it.


I've been struggling for a long time with whether to tell you or not tell you this next part.  I don't know if it helps or hurts.  Since you asked, I'm going to tell you.  My kids don't really know this story,and I don't think there are many in the ward that know.  It's not that I'm hiding anything; it's more that I've put it behind me and I deal with it "differently" now.  When I was your age, in undergrad, I was extraordinarily unhappy.  The term we use now is "clinically depressed", but in the stone ages of the late 80's showing feelings made you a homo (again, I can say anything.  Not on a mission).  No girls wanted anything to do with me, no real prospects, school was not terribly challenging or interesting, and I drank.  A lot.  Like the kind of drinking Mormons don't really understand.  Being functionally drunk for weeks at a time.  My blood alcohol content was probably routinely above .15 and likely around .25 or more on the weekends.  Booze and depression are a terrible mix, and the combination leads to bad decisions.  Then I added weed, mushrooms, and acid to the mix.  The picture I'm trying to paint is that I was unhappy and trying to cope with booze and drugs.  It never works; it only makes it worse.  I tried on 2, maybe 3 occasions (these were definitely black-out drunk kinds of things) to end it all.  I still bear the scars.  But that wasn't in the cards for me.  I guess there was a plan for me (there's a plan for you too).  Had I been successful in my attempts, Holly would have had a different life, no Hunter, no Lizzie, no Anna.  Maybe none of the people I've baptized would have started their path.  Maybe there are other people I've touched along the way that would have missed that connection.  I dunno.  I just know that 18-23 year old kids probably should not be expected to carry the world on their shoulders.


Eventually, I met Holly, found the Church, had kids, and things are generally great.  Things will get better as soon as you learn to take the pressure off yourself.  No booze, no drugs (except my CBD gummies to help me sleep), no pressure.  One of the most liberating things for me was the realization that I don't give a flying F (I'll censor that one, but you know what I mean), about anybody else's opinion.  I really don't.  The Bishop, Stake President, Random Apostle or anybody can yell at me all they like.  I really don't care because I've developed a certain comfort with WHO I AM.  It's absolutely liberating when you run out of Fs for people.  In all sincerity, the Prophet could try to light me up and I really wouldn't care.  My life is not his life to live.  I've found other things to keep me focused.  I actually like most Church assignments.  I like helping people move in or out.  I like the small social gatherings like your mom puts together.  The reason I like firearms so much is I can constantly tinker with them and practice and focus.  I like reloading ammunition for the same reason.  It's a detailed distraction.  I've been doing CrossFit for the last few months and I find that to be a fabulous way to cope with negativity.  Seriously, I wish I had worked out in college instead of drinking like a fish.  There are all kinds of ways to divert negativity, but you may have to experiment a bit.  But it sounds to me, from your emails, that the mission may not be doing it for you.


Dekan, get comfortable with who YOU are.  Forget everyone else and toss everyone else's expectations.  Do what you feel is right.  You'll feel so much better.  I think you should stick to whatever medications you take, but I'm not a doctor of medicine.  I am a not so humble doctor of jurisprudence!  Sleep on it.  Go to the Temple and pray about it.  Talk to your parents.  If you think the thing that will make you the happiest and healthiest is to stick around in Utah, finish it out.  If you think you'll be happier and healthier in Texas, come on home.  There's plenty of opportunities to serve people here.  On your own terms, without a bunch of dumb rules or opinions.  There is no shame in pulling up stakes and coming home.  In fact, shame is a concept only you can give credit to.  Ditch it.  You be you.  Find what makes you happy and do that.



Holly Clark
I love you because you are an amazing friend to Hunter. You are such a good example to him and I’m not sure he would be serving a mission if it wasn’t for you. He was really emotional during your farewell talk and I think that was when he knew he needed to serve. Do you realize the ripple effect of your de is ion to serve a mission? Because of you Hunter is serving a mission and spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ. Others will be inspired by you and Hunter and want to serve missions too and will bring more people to Jesus Christ. The ripples go on and on!! 


You are so funny and smart and you are loved by so many people!! I pray that some day you will love yourself as much as everyone else loves you


I love you, Dekan Blacker!!!! 


Love,
Holly Clark



Grandma Wilhelmsen
Dearest Elder Blacker (sweet Dekan),


I know that you are struggling and I’m so happy that you’re reaching out for help. Sometimes people feel helpless as to how to help someone who’s struggling but you spelled it out and I think this is a great idea. 


Since you were just a little boy, I saw something very special in you. You have such a kind heart and you always care about how others feel. I also always sensed that you love the Lord and have a lot of faith. I haven’t been able to spend lots of time with you through the years, but I have perceived all of these things by being around you.


It’s hard to describe why I love you so much but a lot of it is because I feel a deep connection with you because you are my grandson, flesh and blood connected . Even though this is true,  I love you for all the attributes I see in you. I think no matter what I say good about you, the adversary is going to tell you that this isn’t true. But this much I know, God put it in our DNA to automatically love people, especially our own flesh and blood! Even if I could see flaws in you or sins, I would still love you, because you are mine! We have unconditional love for people, but most especially for those who our ours. 


 I know all your brothers look up to you. I’ve always admired the wonderful connection that you seem to have with your dad. I remember coming to visit when you were little and your dad immediately spent time with you boys from the time he got home from work till the time you went to bed. All dads don’t do that and I so admired your dad for that but I think because of that you have a deep connection with him. Your mother has nurtured you and is still doing that now. She is the driving force behind your achievements. Believe me when I say, “you” are their #1 priority right now. The love parents have for their children is something you just can’t understand until you have your own child. I remember when my first baby was born my immediate thought afterwards was “oh, so this is how my parents feel about me?” I had never felt such love for another human as I did that baby! 


I can also tell you, for a fact that God and his son, Jesus Christ love you more than any of us can  even comprehend! You are HIS child, and he wants the best for you! HE will be with you through the struggle, but keep it in the back of your mind that YOU ARE WORTH IT!  The adversary will try to make you think otherwise.


With the love of your heavenly father, Jesus Christ, and your family and friends, you can overcome this obstacle. We all love you more than words can express! We love you, because you are ours! But first and most important, you are HIS! He saw you (and me)and your challenges when he paid the price and suffered and died for us. HIS love for us is the greatest gift of all!

 
I love you sweet Dekan! Grandma W



Jason Wilhelmsen
Hey Dekan thank you for soliciting the letters.  Seriously happy that I got a letter wanting me to write.  The truth is I never really thought any of my neices and nephews cared if I loved them or cared if they ever got a letter from me.  I do love you though.  That is something I am sure I don't tell people enough but even now I am not sure that when I say it that anyone would believe it or really care if it were me that loved them. 


Sometimes I think it is better believed if you see the actions rather than the words.  There are some things we do because it is what people see or what we do because we believe it is right.  I know that I pray for you and your parents.  Of course at all our family get togethers I hear when we pray for you and the other cousin missionaries by name but we also do in our personal prayers quietly because we love you and want you to be happy. 


I sure admire how despite obstacles your desire is to stay and serve others.  You have already overcome so much and should be proud of yourself.  
In come follow me this week I had a little insight into the scripture that says in Mathew 11
28 ¶ Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.


I used to think this meant things should feel easy and less burdensome if I was yoked to the savior.   I realize now that I should have peace despite my imperfections and struggles( which are many) and realize that I can't do everything or be perfect but that he IS  the Savior.  He makes up for all those things that I fail at and that makes me as loved and perfect as anyone. 


Well I hope that my love matters.  I hope you can be happy with yourself because you should be. 


Love Jason 



Shaun Ek
Hey Dekan, this is your old 11-year old scout leader, Shaun Ek! I bet you didn’t expect to hear from me, ha. I am hoping to help you see there are tons of people routing for you, people who love and admire you, including me!


I was the 11-year old scout leader in Wylie 2nd for about 6 years and I worked with a lot of boys in that time. We had a big youth group! And for sure I enjoyed working with nearly every boy, but you know what, sometimes people have favorites.


You probably had no idea but you topped my favorite list. No joke. It is impossible for anyone to miss what a stand out talent you are once they get to know you even a little bit.


When I first started working with you I thought you were a very nice, quiet kid. Being a nice kid is basically all you need to be for me to like you, but within weeks I found you were so much more. I remember being very impressed with your intellect - dude you are wicked smart - way smarter than the average bear and certainly the smartest in your peer group. Being smart is okay and everything, but combined with your maturity, clarity of thought, and your other qualities is legit remarkable.


Although when you were around me you didn't always have a lot to say, at least when compared to some of those spazzy 11 year old kids (!!), what you said was always so impressive. The way you were able to articulate yourself was above your paygrade. And that seems to continue today. Since Josh and Maryke have so many friends on missions I skim/read about 10-12 emails from missionaries a week and honestly your emails are simply the best. I even made a point to discuss with my wife and Josh how impressed I am with how well you communicate in your letters, you have a serious talent in that department. 


You have this calm about you that assures other people around you. I mean I'm sure right now internally you might not feel the peace and calm, but I'm telling you that as an outside observer you definitely projected calm and peace, which is an attribute I really admire. I loved when my son, Josh, would hang out with you in part because you had that calm. 


Speaking of my son, another thing I really appreciated and felt a lot of gratitude toward you was that you were always so kind to him and you were a good friend to him. At times some of the boys would be a little mean to him but what I observed is that you wouldn't stoop to hurt Josh's feelings and you were a good friend to him (also Chandler - he is the bomb too). I'm actually tearing up just thinking about that - it means a lot to me, Dekan. If I'm being honest with myself, this is probably the reason I love you the most.


Another thing is that you are a doer. With grit. Lots of people know intellectually what they should do, but they have trouble just doing the thing - whatever the thing is. But you are in a special group of people that I see as "doers" - you get crap done. And you have an amazing work ethic to go along with that. Your mom told me that leading up your mission you were working a crazy amount of hours in at least two jobs - dude, that is freaking out of this world. Kids these days don't do that. You are a stand out among your peers.


Dude, you are amazing. I hope that sometime soon you can feel that in your heart and soul the same way everyone around you can see it.


All the best to you,


Shaun Ek


PS - No need to reply, don't even spend any time thinking of replying - just spend your energy thinking about how if some old youth leader that you haven't spoken with in years felt compelled to write you and tell you what a wonderful person you are, how much everyone else around you that has been closer to you must feel about you. You are one of a kind, man.


PSS - I'm not sure if you heard but Maryke just came home from her proselytizing mission in AR and she is going to finish her last few months as a service missionary here in our home town in UT. Pretty similar to your situation, she has had some mental health issues and she is looking forward to working through those issues as she serves as a service missionary. I thought maybe knowing about that might be helpful since you know Maryke pretty well and you know what an amazing person she is.



Heidi Wilhelmsen
Good Morning Elder Wilhelmsen,  Your Mom sent your request out to “simply tell me why you love me”


And I find that I can’t simply do that.  So I am adding a little bit more.  But first, why do I love you?  Well it started when you were born.  It is kinda like this, I feel like when we have bonds to people like we do with family that maybe we are gifted a little piece of Heavenly Father’s love for that person.  (no doctrine just me theorizing why)  Because I had that for you.  I watched as your parents worried, sacrificed and took care of you.  I worried for you when you weren’t gaining weight because you had bad reflux as a kid.  We prayed and fasted for you over the years as life sent you challenges.  We have enjoyed having you visit and spending time with you and I have tried to diligently remember you with a small token of a gift every Christmas.   (I was late this year but it should arrive any day now).  I am purposely not giving specifics because I am sure you will have many friends that will give you those.  Instead I wanted to remind you that you don’t have to do anything to earn the love of your family.  We love you and know that you have value, well beyond a single trait, you have value and are loved.  We Love you.  Inside you is a Spirit that is loved and worthy of that love.


I have a personal story that I feel would be good to share, but it is not about depression it is about anxiety.  And more specifically what I have is called Panic Disorder.  When you feel it would be helpful for me to share, just let me know.  Just send email that says Panic Disorder? 


I bring this up because I have experienced times when my brain is doing things that I can’t control logically… in fact I know that it is reacting to something unreal but I can’t control the reaction with logic.  That is a hard place to be.  And it sounds like depression has some of those same characteristics.  I just wanted to share a couple things that have helped.  Medicine is huge for me.  Exercise is helpful.  I also found that music helps.  Sometimes singing hymns to myself can kinda block it (but not at the worst) and I love the Hymns Collection by Paul Cardell.  I listen to that a lot at nighttime.  Because 4 am is like the worst when I was not on medicine.  I also have used mantra’s, which is essentially coming up with a phrase you can repeat continuously.  Something like-  My Heavenly Father Loves Me (mostly because it is easy to think that isn’t true when you are having a hard moment…but it is true.) 


Our brains are complex and amazing, but like our bones can be broken and need to be fixed.  I pray that you can find the right medicine or treatment that fixes the depression.  I say that,knowing that I still have moments that I struggle with panic, but with my meds it is sooooo much better and containable.  Keep hanging on, the light will come.


Love, Your Aunt, Heidi Wilhelmsen


How are you able to listen to music?  I could send you that album



Bob Ek
Elder;


You’ve always made me giggle when you spoke in church with your bitting humor and off handed comments - you are awesome and such a good friend of our GS Josh. Look to serve others, smile have an In-N-Out burger and serve one hour at a time!


We love you!


Regards,
Bob Ek



Parker Schmiedel
I got your email about the special request, I don't think it is selfish at all. 


Elder Blacker, I love you because you were someone who I could be friends with, at a time when friends seemed scarce. I had difficulty with Raine being the DL(as you know) and with massive trunkiness seeing that I killed 2 comps in a row, and I was killing Walters too. You were a great friend and councilor to/for me. Even though you were going through hard times yourself. It was an act of humility, helping others when you needed help. You are one of my greatest friends thank you for being there! Also don't forget you are "a man in a Grey tweed suit" directed and Loved by God.



Mitchell Redmond
Randomly I remember Sister Wyeth and her story about the peace; anyway, here's a list.


You have the best dad jokes
You are friendly to everyone and they see that you genuinely care about them
You're one of the most selfless person I know (I say one of cuz Jesus)
You are honest with yourself and with people around, and by extension God
You're extremely humble
You have un buen of dilliegence and you work as hard as you're physically and mentally capable of
You care for the salvation of other and love to share the gospel regardless of fears or challenges
Although it's hard for you to exhibit happiness or joy, you do a very good job at it
You are an extraordinary example to those around you and you use that to encourage others, even if you don't try.
Something my President told me is that those who need help have angels encircled around them, and that's true for you. Although it feels like a chore doing anything, there are angels sent from God supporting you.
You are a faithful friend to those youbare close to.
You have a grand desire to be an effective instrument in the hands of God.
You have a lot of intelligent insight and you recognize problems quickly, even in yourself.
I don't believe there is one person that can say a bad thing about you.


I could keep going, but I hope this is enough to help, and I'll leave you with two more scriptures:


Therefore, let your soul be at rest concerning your spiritual standing, and resist no more my voice. 
3 And arise up and be more careful henceforth in observing your vows, which you have made and do make, and you shall be blessed with exceeding great blessings. 
4 Wait patiently until the solemn assembly shall be called of my servants, then you shall be remembered with the first of mine elders, and receive right by ordination with the rest of mine elders whom I have chosen. 
5 Behold, this is the promise of the Father unto you if you continue faithful. 
6 And it shall be fulfilled upon you in that day that you shall have right to preach my gospel wheresoever I shall send you, from henceforth from that time. 
7 Therefore, strengthen your brethren in all your conversation, in all your prayers, in all your exhortations, and in all your doings. 
8 And behold, and lo, I am with you to bless you and deliver you forever. Amen.
Doctrine and Covenants 108: 2-8




7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. 
8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? 
9 Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.
Doctrine and Covenants 122:7–9




Love you, and don't ever forget that there are lots of others that do, most importantly God and Jesus Christ. But please talk to your mission president if thiscontinues because he can give you the help and resources easier than I can. Hope this helps, but please let someone else know what's happening 


—Elder Redmond



Alex Wilhelmsen
I'm grateful you sent that because I would love to say reasons i love you man. You're an absolute blast to be around. You're super super smart and it's honestly baffling how funny you are. I loved watching you and Kyle argue about basketball and you would just confound him all of the time. You have been an amazing example to me. I never thought I would serve a mission but a lot of the reason I went was because of the example of you and the rest of the cousins. I think you're an absolute stud and I know your emails have helped me in so many ways. I look forward to reading them every single week because it gives me prospective. It's amazing how much you go through yet your love for Jesus christ is above all that. I don't know if I would have it in me if I had depression like that. I honestly have so much respect for you and have gained so much more over the few months I have been a missionary. This is hard work. But you stay out anyways. You're an stud bro I promise that you are loved. I read your emails every single week and that's a big compliment because you're prolly the only person I enjoy reading emails. I would read yours over my girlfriends weekly haha and I mean that. I will stay praying for you and am excited to hear back from you. If you don't think anyone else does know that I love you so much and am super proud to be able to call you my cousin. 


With much love, Elder Alex



What's up Dekan. Totally about to break the rules for this haha. I love you because you're funny and it's just fun being around you. You're super kind and patient and obedient. Plus, you and Chandler helped me get better at Smash Bros and got me to read all the Harry Potter books, so that's also a plus. I'm sure you're a great missionary and a positive influence on others. Don't let Satan get you down. Christ can heal anything, and through you, He can do ALL things.



Dallin Wilhelmsen
What's up Dekan. Totally about to break the rules for this haha. I love you because you're funny and it's just fun being around you. You're super kind and patient and obedient. Plus, you and Chandler helped me get better at Smash Bros and got me to read all the Harry Potter books, so that's also a plus. I'm sure you're a great missionary and a positive influence on others. Don't let Satan get you down. Christ can heal anything, and through you, He can do ALL things.



Samuel Cisneros
I know its not my pday but i just wanted to respond because you should feel so loved right now! 


I love you because of the many memories i have growing up with you and the many times we would have good deep conversations. I love that we could basically talk about anything, especially sports and just many random things, but it felt like we were adults talking haha. I think we both felt very mature growing up haha. So yeah i love the way you conversate because you make conversations meaningful and interesting, and i just love how wise you are.


Keep up the good work and keep pushing, you have many people that love and care about you elder!


Elder Cisneros 



Aidan Green
You're so close dude keep up the good work. 

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