The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

    Hallo guys, I'm finally being able to see real effects from the medication I've been taking. It's cool because each day I'm able to find more and more joy from the things I'm supposed to and simple tasks are becoming easier and easier and oh, it's been so fantastic. I'm not quite there yet, I still can go into panic or depression mode because of relatively small things, but at least it's not constant anymore and I can see the improvement day by day. 

     This week was so weird. I'm a service missionary who didn't do any service this week. We serve at the church office building from 8am-4pm on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I show up there on Tuesday and they asked why I joined the tech team and I told them that it was because I was with Elders Ford and Burkart for the next 3 weeks and then they informed me that that wasn't going to be enough time for me to even get my feet wet and be productive. So instead of training me and giving me work, they handed me a laptop and said have fun doing something until you can leave. Then Friday and Saturday our house was sick and so we couldn't go to our assignments. Sunday and Monday we don't have service assignments to go to. So, that's how I was service missionary this week without doing any actual service, kinda sad. I did get to watch March Madness though so that was fun. 

      Something really cool happened on Thursday when one of my roommates was sick but the rest of the household was fine. I went to a lesson that our roommates had planned and it was pretty obvious that I was supposed to be there. We get there and he just starts talking about depression and how hard it is to not be able to do anything and I went hey, I know how to relate to you, I know some scriptures that will help, I know some things that you can look for each day to help, and I know a great invitation to give you to help you get through this and get closer to God. Apparently, I related to him better than anyone had ever been able to in his life. His wife started crying because he finally had someone to talk to who could understand. Then funny enough after the lesson our member friend that we took with us to the lesson turned out to also be struggling with depression and so I was able to help him out to. 

        Alma 21:9 "Now Aaron began to open the scriptures unto them concerning the coming of Christ, and also concerning the resurrection of the dead, and that there could be no redemption for mankind save it were through the death and sufferings of Christ, and the atonement of his blood." I find it fascinating that it mentions suffering and the atonement separately. As if Christ's suffering outside of the Atonement was necessary for us to eventually be saved through the Atonement. Something I've learned is this, Suffering prepares us to do God's work it doesn't prevent us from doing it. It's been really hard for me not to feel like my depression has been holding me back from doing The Lord’s work because I've done very very little proselyting this transfer, but as I'm learning more and more it was actually just preparing me to be able to do the work that's been prepared for me. 

         Thank you all for sending me those emails. They definitely have been the absolute highlight of my week and they've just been so heartwarming and just overall incredible. Thank you guys for sticking by me as I continue to head towards the light at the end of this very long and very dark tunnel. I love all of you guys and it's interesting for me to see that the more pain I go through the more deeply I'm able to love. So with that you can believe me when I say....

               I love my Savior Jesus Christ, Elder Blacker