A Reflection

     This week was pretty nice. We were stuck inside for 4 days because my companion got sick, but I actually think it was for the better. I was actually able to get productive missionary work done over the phone and it allowed for my relationship with Elder Fairbanks to mend. Unfortunately, I still can't trust him. I gave him a little bit of trust and he immediately broke it. So that's annoying, but we're getting along and it's only 1 more week. I just need a change of scenery. I'd like to move areas, I think it would benefit the area, but I'm fine to stay as long as something changes. 

 

     I've grown so much this transfer and it seems like it happened all at once. For the first 3-4 weeks it felt like we were very stagnant. The area was stagnant, our growth as missionaries was stagnant, it felt like we went out and worked all day and yet it also felt like no real work was actually getting done, even though there's a lot of work to do in this area. I've mentioned the spirit prompting me that it was time to take it to the next level of obedience. Well, this week I fully bought in and I suddenly see how prepared I actually am to live this new level of obedience. An experience I had that I thought was cool was that earlier in the transfer I suggested we did something that breaks a minor rule. Then this week, someone suggested we break the same rule and I was surprised, I didn't have the desire to break the rule anymore, even though it was a lot of fun the first time. I wish the story ended there, but I ended up succumbing to peer pressure and broke the rule. So I'm not there yet, but my heart is. Which I honestly wasn't sure would ever happen. It's actually really exciting because I feel like my obedience was/is the biggest thing holding me back from achieving my potential as a missionary. I've also learned how to keep a clean house this transfer and by that I mean I'm the driving force behind keeping the house clean and I've also been using my free time better. I mostly have been listening to conference talks while having something for my hands to fidget with, because that's just something I need. It's all been really good. 

       Also, looking back on the year as a whole is fascinating. I've learned so much more this year than any other year by a mile. I'm really glad I have another year to go before I have to go home. Something I constantly worry about is that I'm wasting my mission. That I'm not giving enough and my lack of faith and diligence is preventing me from seeing miracles. Deep down I know that's not true and honestly reflecting on the year helped with that, but it's still something I worry and almost certainly it'll continue to be something I worry about. Still, the Lord has told me several times, twice very directly, that I'm supposed to be here now, despite my faults. The Lord knew my faults when I put in my mission papers and yet, he called me anyways and needs me specifically. 

         I don't typically do this, but I'm going to put a spiritual thought at the end just because I can, I guess. I studied hope and I stumbled across a quote from Preach my Gospel, "The unfailing source of our hope is that we are sons and daughters of God and that His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, saved us from death." This stuck out to me because it says that it's an unfailing source of hope. What a statement! To claim it's unfailing is bold, but it's true. I learned why it's true for me and I could tell you, but you'll find more meaning if you ponder it and find out for yourself why it's unfailing. So please do that, you won't regret it. 

                    New Year, new me! Elder Blacker