Well That Didn't Take Long

      If you haven't read the first email I sent out this week, I recommend you read that first. Anyways, I did attend the temple and I did take the question of if I need to go home or not and this is how the temple trip went. 

     So, if you're not familiar with the temple, the way it works is: you go through this 80ish minute session which at the end of it you're brought to the Celestial Room. The Celestial Room is awesome because it's where the Spirit of the Lord resides. The Celestial Room is the best place to receive personal revelation, at least for me, and it's why I decided to bring this question to the temple because I knew that whatever I was feeling in that room would be what God wanted for me. I didn't even make it to the Celestial Room, I didn't even make it to the session, in fact. Before the session, there's a waiting room that's similar to a chapel. There's a big picture of Christ, there's some soft hymns in the background, there are scriptures that you can read if you choose and that's what I did. I grabbed the scriptures in front of me and was going to start reading where I left off in the Book of Mormon, but there was a little tab for Doctrine and Covenants section 50 that caught my eye. I then had the number 62 come into my mind, so I decided I would see what Doctrine and Covenants section 62 says. I had absolutely no idea what section 62 was before reading it and I would be surprised if any of you guys reading this knows either, but before I even finished the 4th verse I had my answer. Here's what I read,

  1 Behold, and hearken, O ye elders of my church, saith the Lord your God, even Jesus Christ, your advocate, who knoweth the weakness of man and how to succor them who are tempted.

  2 And verily mine eyes are upon those who have not as yet gone up unto the land of Zion; wherefore your mission is not yet full.

  3 Nevertheless, ye are blessed, for the testimony which ye have borne is recorded in heaven for the angels to look upon; and they rejoice over you, and your sins are forgiven you.

  4 And now continue your journey.

     Section 62 has 9 total verses and there was more in the section that applied to me, but I was amazed that I got my answer as quickly as I did and as directly as I did. I now know that I need to stay out here in Utah, that, at least for now, my mission is not yet completed. I met with the Doctor and we did, in fact, up my medication and I felt good about that while in the temple. I also asked the question of what I could do to overcome this trial and the answer I got to that was to be patient, that what I am already doing will be very beneficial to me in time, and through repetition. I don't remember if I told you guys or not, but I felt like I was inching towards a suicidal cliff. I had no idea where this cliff was because I knew that all it took was one day of bypassing logical thinking, one day of the pain being just too great combined with the opportunity presenting itself, and I was scared. So I just kept inching towards this cliff not knowing if that day was a week or years away if nothing changed. Now things have changed, because now I know that what I'm doing will, in time, have me walking away from this cliff as opposed to inching towards it, and also now I know that I'm far enough away that I have time to learn this while I'm on a mission because otherwise the answer would've been for me to come home, which it so clearly wasn't. 

       My companion has already told me,  without being prompted to, that I came out of the temple a different person and it's true. I've been restored with confidence and relieved from a burden of fear and doubt that I didn't realize was there until it was gone. Obviously, this doesn't mean that my struggles with depression will be gone. I'm riding a high because it was that great of an experience, and we got In-N-Out afterwards, but eventually I'll be struggling again, but I don't have reason to doubt my ability to get through it anymore. I invite everybody to make time to go to the temple because it really is such a cool place where you can receive the guidance of our Heavenly Father. I know this to be true and I know that my Savior is watching and caring for me. 

                            Wow, just wow. Elder Blacker