From Motivation To Discipline

     I think I've finally cooled off of my extreme spiritual high, but that's ok, even expected. Really the only reason I say that is because my motivation to do the work fell off a cliff for a couple of days. Thankfully, my companion was there to tell me, "Dude, you've been in bed for way too long, let's go," and we did and the rest of the day went really really well. Even though the spiritual high has rescinded I'm still doing really well mentally and at least at the moment depression and anxiety hasn't been an issue. 

      Somebody told me one time that the biggest thing they learned on their mission is that motivation is not something that you can lean on, even a little bit, and that what it's really all about is discipline. Discipline is something I would say that I've never really been that good at, but I'm also getting better. There was that one day that my companion had to give me a bit of motivation, but outside of that I've done a good job getting outside and doing the work despite the lack of motivation. My level of discipline isn't where I would like it, but I can see the improvement. 

      Speaking of improvement, I've grown so much this transfer and it's not even over. I feel so much more powerful than ever before. My testimony is so much deeper than it was before and I'm now learning what my testimony can do. I'm not going to do this, but I now feel like I could have that discussion with the guy who made me doubt my faith and not only retain my own testimony, but I truly believe that I could confound him in his words because he knows what's true, he's felt the truth before, but I'm not in a place to judge. What I can judge though is the power I have, it's truly amazing to be able to go out and bear testimony of my Savior and his love everyday and see the spirit it brings touch the hearts of others. 

      There was actually a lesson this week where I did confound the person we were teaching. The guy is very skeptical of the existence of a God and told us all of the reasons that the best evidence suggests that there is no God, the Book of Mormon is nothing but a good story, and how we're being fooled. He said that he needed physical proof to believe, even though he said that if God were real it would make sense that he could manifest himself through our feelings and he also said he's not a praying man and wouldn't pray to know for himself. He said all of this in a much more convincing manner, it's just hard for me to write it out without making the holes apparent. Anyways, throughout what ended up being a lesson that lasted over 2 hours, I kept wanting to call him out for his intentional ignorance and mocking of God and be like Jacob when Sherem asks for a sign. (Jacob 7:13-15) What did end up happening was still pretty cool though, I spoke and essentially validated him slightly, called him a goober, told him exactly why he's being a goober, and then bore my testimony. Afterwords his countenance had drastically changed from pompous and arrogant to closed off and reserved, which reminded me of myself when my own testimony was challenged. So it doesn't mean that he's going to recognize what I was saying as correct, or that he's going to do anything about it, but based solely off of when I was in that spot, it means he needs to reevaluate and find some answers.

     Other than that, I'm doing really well. Josh is on date for November 26th so hopefully that will go through, but even if it doesn't I know he'll be baptized eventually. Chances are most of the people I mentioned last time will be eventually, whenever it is that their hearts are open and they're ready. 

            This is going by too fast, Elder Blacker