Tough Times

      I never would've thought that I would be 1 month into the field and not have taught a single lesson, nevertheless here we are. I've taught lots of lessons to members, especially this week we had a lot, and I've actually learned to be pretty decent at conducting those. Still it's just a quick thought to a family inviting them to strive to be more like Jesus Christ. It'll typically take 20ish minutes and then we probably won't talk to them again. 

      I had an interview with the mission president and at one point he asked, "Do you feel like you've made an impact on anyone's life this transfer?" (That's a 6 week increment and I'm still in my first transfer so it's been a month) 

      I looked him in the eyes and said, "no I don't think I have." 

      He said, "Really? Nobody?"

      "Yup," I confirmed, "I don't think there's anyone's life that I've touched." 

      You want to know what the worst part of it all is? The worst part is, that I know it's my fault. There's so many things that I need to be doing, but I'm not. Anyways, I have a lot of free time and I can never seem to use it on something productive because I know there are better ways to spend my time than I have been.

      With all that being said, I'm actually not unhappy. Everyday is SO much fun, I didn't realize just how much fun I would be having each day. It's just that when you look at the big picture, it's not satisfying. I didn't leave just to have fun. I left to have fun while helping others find joy in life. 

      So yeah, it's tough, but it's not hopeless. I'm slowly making progress. This week me and my companion woke up at 5 and went to the gym. I wasn't exercising or waking up on time before that so that's definitely progress. Slowly but surely, right? It's just slower than I'd hope for, but what's there to do except to keep moving forward striving to do your best? 

      Also, I have been helping those in my district. It's kinda funny that everyone started coming to me with their problems already. I'm actually really glad they have, I've always felt like I'm good at talking things out and making peace and it's made me feel helpful. It's kinda ironic that they're coming to a brand new missionary who isn't doing much for advice, but I think it's worked. I've diffused a couple situations by talking to someone and getting them to go apologize. 

      On one of those occasions there was one guy who was shredded and was clearly very mad at us. He was rightfully mad, someone in our group threw a big rock into the stream from a ledge and barely missed hitting someone he couldn't see. So that happened and the guy's staring at us clearly upset. I'm actually surprised he didn't climb up, get in that missionaries face, and start yelling at him. So after a minute I went and sat by the person who threw the rock and told him he needed to go apologize and he agreed, but then he just sat there. So after a minute I stood up and I said, come on let's go and we went and apologized which was taken very well and the situation passed by. It was scary though, I didn't even throw the rock and I was intimidated. Kudos to the missionary who came with me knowing that he was the one this guy was frustrated with. 

      Anyways, have fun guys. I am and I'll keep making those small improvements that tend to make a bigger impact than anticipated. 

                       Love you guys, Elder Blacker